Friday, 1 May 2020

Working The Steps: Step 10

Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and
when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

Step 10, Exercise 2

My name is Russ and I am a compulsive gambler. My last bet was April 2nd 2019. I am on to Step 10 and there was a previous exercise which was writing down 3 things I did well and 3 things I could have done better at for a week. I couldn't get the table attached due to formatting issues but trust me when I say you didn't miss much and most of it is covered in the questions. As always, anything in bold or italics is taken from the work sheet and the rest is my own.

Write about:

What insights have you gained from doing the Daily Inventory for a week?
Acknowledge areas of growth, achievement and progress.

I’ve realised how much I make myself available for people who reach out to me and it is something that I enjoy doing. I am a firm believer that you have to give it away to keep it and I will continue to believe that. I have also started to eat healthier and my running has improved. I managed to run for an hour which is my longest length of time and the distance of 8.5km was also a personal best. I can see that I do a lot with my family and for my family. These are things that I enjoy doing such as cooking for them. It’s the little things in life that make me happy. I can see growth in me just in the past week and I am trying to do the right things each day and I know if I continue to do that I will not gamble.

Are you promptly admitting when you are wrong? If not, what are the barriers to your doing so? (for example: denial, ego, pride, justification)

I feel like I am promptly admitting when I am wrong because I am not afraid to hold my hands up and say sorry I shouldn’t have done something. If I behave in a way that hurts someone else then I will apologise because I never intentionally go out of my way to hurt someone. Things happen though and in life, feelings will get hurt. I am willing to be an adult and make the first move when this happens. If the other person chooses to forgive me, well that is up to them. 

Are you living in a more spiritual way -- this is, with kindness, generosity, honesty and humility? Be watchful for any patterns of selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear.

Again, I am going to have to say yes to this question for the most part. I like to hope that I not only talk the talk about kindness, generosity, honesty and humility but that I walk the walk. Actions speak louder than words in my eyes and I would not want to be a person who says one thing at a meeting but when it comes to putting it into practice can’t quite manage it. I have certainly experienced resentment and fear about certain things that have happened but I am aware of how to deal with these. For me it’s important to talk about them, write about them and seek advice from other people who have experienced similar things. The worst thing for me to do is bottle stuff up because I have done that in the past and it ends up with the relationship eventually falling apart because small issues have been left unresolved and festered. You are then sitting on a powder keg and at some stage something small ignites it all. These patterns will no doubt continue to come up as I continue on my journey and for me the important thing isn’t trying to stop them from happening (because I think that is impossible and a waste of time personally) but it’s reacting in the right way when I start to feel them. 

How do you intend to continue to practice Step 10? (for example, do a daily, nightly, or weekly inventory; schedule a review or reality check with your sponsor)

I had a reality check with my sponsor, and it didn't end well. All joking aside I do not intend on practising Step 10 in written form going forward. I know this probably goes against traditional G.A. views but I don’t feel like I need a daily, nightly or weekly inventory on paper. If this is something I cannot be aware of in my day to day life then writing it down on paper each day isn’t going to help. What I am going to commit to doing is a written Step 10 at least once a year.

Have you developed constructive ways of releasing/expressing feelings? If yes, what are they? If no, what could work for you that you would be willing to make a part of your Step 10 practice?

The answer to questions regarding feelings and emotions are always the same for me. I talk about them and I write about them. Those are the constructive ways for me to deal with these feelings.

Are you taking better care of yourself and minimizing stress in your life? Give specific examples.

I am running at least twice a week (was three times a week but dodgy knee) and I am tracking my calorie intake. I also purchased a NutriBullet as I was not eating any fruit and veg in my diet. I have never felt as fit and healthy as I do today and it’s helping me keep stress to a minimum. Listening to relaxing music in the evenings is another thing I have started doing and just trying to switch my brain off a bit when I get time. Life moves so fast and I am starting to realise that I need to slow down a bit to really appreciate it. 

I’m going to be brutally honest here, this was probably the Step I got the least out of but it is something I would work once a year just to make sure I am still living the way I think I should be in recovery. I would hate to think I was lying to myself and acting in a way that reminded me of pre recovery and Step 10 would help me see this.


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